The end of my death
by truthLost
Summary: Haruno Sakura and her thoughts of life... and death. Her life in a hospital, paranoid and hallucinations. What is the reason for all of this...


"Sakura…? How are you feeling?" Someone asked but I couldn't answer, it wasn't as if I wanted or not. As if my lips where glued together. I lay there on my bed, the white sheets hade fresh bloodstains covering it, it was my blood. The doctors wanted to kill me; they have poisoned the food and the water too. If I fall asleep they will try and kill me.

Everything is like a chess game, black and white only… only that the white players seem to have vanished. They ask me if I can't try to look on the bright side of things. But I only answer that there aren't any. But they don't give up and tell me that there always are bright things in life. They don't understand, there are no bright places, things, and people… not in my life.

Some believe in angels, I believe in demons. For they are stalking me every moment of my life. Waiting for me to lower my guard to that they can strike; eat me from the inside out.

"Sakura… here take your medicine. Sakura!" They always say my name as if they knew me, make me eat pills. They want to kill me, they want me to suffer. That's why they hold me here. They took away my razorblade, the razorblade that I in secret had round my neck under all my sweaters. They told me that I can't cut myself anymore… My longing for hurting myself, seeing my red beautiful blood run down my arm. The blood is the only thing about me that is beautiful.

Every one of my friends also had demons inside of them, the demons all got them at last. Every one of them are dead now, the doctors say they took their lives.

I sit here listening to music, playing the same CD over and over again. The music is the only thing that I can listen too. When people try and talk to me I can't listen, it's like they are talking a different language. When someone opens the curtains to let in some light I cover myself with a blanket. It's too bright, too much fake happiness.

Many times I have though about if I should take my life here, in this hospital. But I want to die somewhere where no one will find my body, unlike my friends. I want to hide in the walls, I want to cut myself in pieces and hide in a box.

People think of how they can create eternal life, I think over how I can start mine. I wonder if I can be born again if I take my life, if I can start over again. Death has already tied me up with thick rope, now just sitting there and waiting for me to give up my life. They want my soul; they want me in the darkness.

I no longer have a heart due my only love in life died with it. He was the only person that made me think that life still have its bright places. He was my light, my mind and my precious. I loved him more than me myself. I have always stated that if I died to protect someone I wouldn't be able to feel happy about it so I said to never die for someone else than me. However, he was different. For him and for him only, I would die for.

Now I think that if I took my life maybe I would be able to see him again but there is no life after this. Or so I think, the price to pay in order to know is just too high for me. But then again, why wait? Why wait for those people to kill me when I can take my life myself before that? Right now… I can jump out the window right beside my window, still then they would find my body. I want to flee, but they would find me.

My only choice left is to stay here, waiting for an opportunity to do something. Do anything, just in order to be near him again. I don't even know where his grave is, I could bury myself there. In the middle of the night I could go to him and lay my body beside his.

"Sakura… what are you thinking about?" Once again, I can't answer their question. There was so much that I was thinking about. But nothing they wouldn't need to kill me. They ask because they want to know, they ask because they don't think I know what they are thinking about.

"Maybe it's easier if you write it down…" the doctor said and placed a pen and a paper in front of me. I only starred at it. The paper was white; I wanted to paint it red. Red like my blood and red like his eyes.

I have done sins; I am not perfect like others. All I wanted was to be near you… Itachi? Where are you now? Have you found somewhere that the white chess part can live? Someplace where we can live without sorrow, pain or thoughts.

I want to like a feather in the wind. Fly wherever I want, but I won't be white. Together with you Itachi, our feather will be red. Red like my blood and red like you eyes.

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**A/N: ****Thoughts… I came up with this for some time ago but I deleted it from and here it is again. I just don't really care if you like it or not, I felt like writing it so I wrote it. I'm working with another also right now when I should actually be writing my X-over… sorry… **

**I want to sleep now, just sleep for a couple of weeks. I don't care how many tests or how many stories I have to write and update I just want to sleep. **

**I want to thank you for reading this, even if you liked it or not. I'm glad, I'm happy with all of you people that read one or two of my stories, this is like the closest to a life I have… writing.**

**Oh well, I love all of you. Please leave a review if you want. **

_**With love, Neko-chan**_


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